time...

i asked myself- when will i ever have time?

after a student's life...a white collar life...and eventually (hopefully) an entrepreneur's life...

is there any time?

i once thought that maybe i'm just not ready yet. but the truth most probably is...i was hiding all these while.

everybody wants to be seen as superior in some ways or another.

i really don't understand what's so fascinating about doing your assignment at the last minute.

didn't really have much mood to post anything here recently (neither do i have it now- i'm just bored.)

of course, many things happened either ways. the guys i had for the previous semester are not with me for the elective modules. and there i am, alone. so group assignments came and...i got myself with another bunch of people.

at first they seem ok but once they started talking about the assignment...something is just not right. oh well. good news is they wouldn't be following me for the next elective module i guess. bad news is that i will have to look for another group. never before experience of a nomad.

gonna lunch out with my friend tomorrow before he flies back to australia for exchange. don't know when will i see them again (another guy too...and i'm even closer to him.)

this semester seems to be a period for me to tough it out.

the many moments when i face them. alone.

=(

(and valentine's day is coming too...)

i realised there's two ways of saying ok:

it's ok.

i'm ok (with it.)

i don't know where i am...but i know where i'm going.

wealth. power. attention. i finally see them as a cycle.

been quite some time since i last felt that i have the mood and time to post something here. but since it's the last day of 2011, i shall take some time out (from watching one piece) to reflect and look forward.

on the very first day of december, my very first semester results were...sighs. i swear that this shall be the last time that i'll dump money on a useless subject.

then came the standard chartered marathon on the 4th. no joke- seriously. i wasn't prepared at all. but i shall be come next year. hehe. and now the idea of going overseas for races are trying to overwhelm me haha. advice on this anyone?

then...it's mainly about work. the politics...the rubbish involved (i'm just a temp over there)...but yesterday's my last at there. quite happy though as i managed to make/see quite a bit of friends over there.

huh now to think of it that's already my december. nothing much.

suddenly i've a bit of stuff in my mind for 2012. as of now these are what i wanna do from tomorrow onwards:

- obtain a driving license
- learn a new hobby
- save up (lots of if)
- physical training
- holiday? (not compulsory i guess)
- learn to be more far sighted and objective based (sounds funny but i don't want it to be my weakness)

that's roughly about it. shall update it should i have more to come!

so...happy new year in advance! hope everybody will do better come tomorrow.

what rubbish we see nowadays.

the times i can smile only to myself.

i think i saw you. it feels like a kick to the back of my head.

not once. twice.

but i guess...maybe that's the best x'mas gift i'll get? hah.

it's kind of funny for people to live on attention and have no idea where to put theirs at.

something about being arrogant:

you can just rant, stare and throw at anything that you don't see fit with. but do you (in that situation) really have to be so...and show it? and more importantly...have you ever done such a similar mistake before or...you are simply just like the other party?

people nowadays sure like to throw their temper and display their arrogance/pride. but to me, real arrogance is about being egoistic yet confident and sure that you're better than this.

am i wrong?

competition? what competition? am i dreaming?

does anybody know the feeling of wanting to write something but hesitating because of some unclear reasons? i've managed to come up with two reasons why:
- the contents are repetitive of something similar posted
- the stuff i wanna say will affect some of the readers (if there's ever any)

but sometimes it can be really frustrating not being able to make things in my mind happening. all the doubts, criticism and of course the pressure from self makes it only worse; especially during such a nice break from school.

i really wanna sit down, get serious on the stuff i've been entertaining myself with and convincing people to get on board or something.

can it really happen?

just came back from timbre @substation for a short chill out. was kind of very late for it (but it was pushed forward at the last minute).

still finding jobs...damn sian. but luckily all these free time can be utilised at its best- catching up with the previous magazines, read books and some personal time.

sometimes it can be dangerous to agree and follow blindly.

the things that will never ever happen on me.

finally created a twitter account: @that_shaojie - follow me!

i thought it would be better but...after a while i realised that maybe facebook is slightly better to socialise? just a feeling.

but i'm not imagining myself tweeting a lot. still, here's the better place for me to be frank with myself.

my friend's tempting me to learn yoga. maybe i shall do a bit of research on that tomorrow. and i MUST run tomorrow. i really need some time to vent off the hot air.

why not just face it.

approaching my last exam paper before the holiday break kicks in...been thinking a bit on what to do but...not having much mood to revise now. sipping coffee, writing and waiting for an upcoming soccer match.

had to abolish the plan of getting a PS3...more or less. kind of expensive just to think about it. though the console's way cheaper than before but with the games...the story changes. i just have too many things on my pending list.

somehow i'm hesitating on my plans to give tuition. no idea why.

need to have more serious and regular prep sessions for my standard chartered marathon! distance not there...sessions not regular nor intensive...

i wonder if i've either sent the wrong signal to you or accidentally leaked what i really wanted to say to you. but i know. none of it works. so instead of waiting for the same anticipated answer, it's easier for me to pull the plug out isn't it? less of a hassle and time wasting...wait a minute. i'm the only one in the show! what's there to tell you besides admitting that "ya i thought i'm that good for you"?

my intelligence tells me i should rather treat this as a joke so that it's easy to just laugh it off should anybody raise this up in the future. yet my emotions tell me another story- i would rather be real honest.

(then again, now that i think of it, i don't even know where i'm now. so i guess we're just two lost strangers who are trying to help each other find our own paths and...carry on with our own lives?)

hey sidekick, when are you gonna wake up from your deep slumber? think that you can go for the impossible? don't make yourself an embarrassment again...

"and if we could float away
fly up to the surface and just start again"

Coldplay- Us Against The World

suddenly it feels like giving up halfway has become my speciality.

many of us always want to pursue for happiness, but got ourselves less and less happy along the process.

so...maybe it's better to say that now we are trying to be less unhappier instead?

recently i thought that the state we are in is always a result of our own choices. yes choices determine everything.

but now, i also realised that this is very result dependent. i mean, if there's something you see for yourself as feedback it's fine (good or bad). but how do you confirm with yourself that it's the right choice when there's no feedback or anything in return?

(P.S. ah cheng arh in the end i still can't get pass that obstacle i set for myself. it's all illusions after all.)

unless i'm proven wrong someday by that right person, else i'm always right on this- the people up there like to play tricks on me.

or should i even be blaming others? aiya for people who know me well- i hate blame games. but there's no solution to it either!

maybe i'm still living in the past. but that's also a good excuse for not revising now.

last saturday dinner at 2D1N soju bang was hell of a wait...at least 2 hours of standing. but the food was not bad...but maybe not really worth the waiting time? the bacon's good. others like pork belly...its chilli sauce and corn salad. i guess it's more because i'm a person who can't wait that long.

so more is less. but will less become lesser?

exams in a week's time and...still not in panic mode. a sudden loss of direction and mood...wait. what are we trying to prove here?

the world is fascinating. there's just simply all kinds of people out there. trying to understand everyone of them however can sometimes be a pain in the ass. we can't satisfy everybody period. so there's always a few who we'll try to stick to- family, friends etc.

so the question is- how can we confirm with ourselves that the stranger beside us is worth the time to stick by?

i know i'm the gullible kind- very easy to gel with the other party and become more familiar with each other. but often i feel that the process is hyped and dies off quickly.

some things are just never meant to be simplified; or maybe that's what i chose, you chose and the other party chose to be.